Ever since my beloved Richard died ten years ago, I’ve never wanted anyone to pity me. From day one, while the timing was certainly fifty years off, I knew that this was no accident without beauty. I knew, even then, that this loss carried deep power for my soul growth.
There was at times a voice that would weep. It would cry out, “I didn’t sign up for this!” and sob with the words “Why? Why? Why?”. But I would not allow myself the indulgence of that conversation very long. I absolutely would not tarry there; I would not allow self-pity to swallow me.
I awakened quickly and was determined that this loss be worth something truly BIG for me. What I didn’t know was that it had shattered the protective wall that had unknowingly formed around my heart, keeping me from feeling my passion, finding deeper connection, and feeling real joy. The kind of heart bursting joy that makes you cry it hurts so good.
In the beginning of grief, people mean well and want to say something to ease your pain and make sense of death. While words of condolence come from compassion, often they don’t always hit the mark just right. For example, when someone said to me in those early months of grief, “I’m sorry for your loss” (which is the most common thing to say), I wanted to reply, “You mean, you are sorry for my annihilation?”.
Now, I say what I felt then, “Don’t feel sorry for me.” Not one little bit.
Life happens to all of us. The good stuff happens and the stuff that brings out our grit to survive happens too. I’m awake now, and I’m free of many limiting ideas and beliefs I had about who I was and how I “should” live all those years ago. I wasn’t wrong and I didn’t fail; I’ve just grown up and past those old limiting beliefs. Life has taught me differently. Don’t be sorry that my loss has transformed me into an empowered sovereign woman full of more joy than I thought possible, awake to the simple pleasures of life.
Don’t be sorry that my soul has connected to humanity through my loss. My understanding of suffering has brought true compassion to my heart.
Don’t be sorry that I am the woman I am today not because of all of the success I’ve had; I am the woman I am today for having lost something so great it split my heart wide open.
I’m now open enough to step into the light and say, “I accept my loss as a challenge to uncover the hidden aspects of my true nature that reveal to me who I am.”
Heartbroken open to living bigger– and loving greatly.
Yes, it’s true I have lost something that left me in a chasm exploring the abyss for a time– but it would not be a loss if we hadn’t loved so well. Indeed, as they say, it’s worth it to have loved and lost than not to have loved in this way at all.
THANK YOU for your compassion, love, and prayers– but please, don't feel sorry for me. I am living my most vibrant life, and you will too.