I knew that Richard’s death must count for thousands of lifetimes of growth to my soul. It had to be because his presence as the love of my life changed me and grew me into being the woman I am. It was a miracle to be loved so unconditionally and healed by that love.

Reflecting on the fertile ground that all suffering offers, these are the many ways my wisdom grew, and I wouldn’t want anyone to miss out on the incredible grace that follows difficult days as you open to your healing.

Sitting at my fireplace just hours after I received the call about Richard’s transition (death), I had a conversation with myself. I could see how I might deal with my loss. I could see both scenarios. One, where I would pull the covers up over my head and remain in bed. And, the other where I would stand in what I’d been given, and somehow, I would carry on. I had heard Richard say,

“The circumstances of life don’t make or break you they reveal who you are.”

Shortly after Randy Pausch received the news of his terminal cancer, he courageously made the most of his last year as he performed “The Last Lecture.” And it went viral on YouTube. Randy Pausch said, “It’s not the cards you’re dealt, it’s how you play the hand.”

I have come to realize, that as you embrace change rather than resist it you are evolving into something beautiful.

There’s only one question to ask when you are facing the big stuff: Can I change this? Of course, I knew I couldn’t change Richard’s death. I knew I had to surrender. But, surrender to what?

The “what” was not the fear. It was the feelings that would come through grief to heal me. It was grace that would show up in love.

Surrender, Trust , Accept, Release and Receive … a mantra that allowed me to let go; a mantra that allowed me to live amidst loss.
It’s not enough to survive our losses; we must choose to thrive.

Thriving is allowing your emotions to empty by being in the flow and allowing the waves of grief to come and go. Grief arrives to heal you. Feel to heal. You will be free as you release. I repeated to myself, “As I surrender, I shall receive a new life.”

The greatest lesson of all, “There’s nothing to do, but to be who you are.”

Wayne Dyer said, “When you are what you do, when you don’t—you aren’t.”

My inner wisdom recognizes that I am enough as I am and you are too: a statement of your true nature not attached to identity.

There is Ego annihilation: When we go through divorce or loss of a partner, or any other losses of identity—we die a death. The ego that identifies and is attached to what it means to be in that relationship-identity, coils like a snake in fear. It’s this fear that causes our wandering minds to retrieve all the data of denial which causes our suffering. I died a death when Richard died and as my identity was shattered, my authentic expression emerged … I felt more alive than I ever had—because I could feel all of it. Sorrow allowed me to know joy.