Being Sovereign and Single
Being Sovereign and Single
I find it interesting that when you look up the most commonly searched question about me on GOOGLE, you get “Has Kristine Carlson re-married?” I don’t consider that the gauge for my healing from loss. I always say, “we don’t move on from our losses, we move forward.”
At first, your friends long for you to find someone to assuage your pain of loss. I did too. In the beginning, I was panic-stricken at what it would mean to be SINGLE. It brought up certain insecurities that I had not thought about in all the years with Richard by my side. It’s as if loss took me back to being a younger woman who had not yet overcome the wounds of my disowned self. This ended up offering me a tremendous opportunity for greater growth.
Healing Loss Requires Us to Lean In
This was a time to reflect and transform aspects of my younger self that had been buried under a mountain of love, but surprisingly rose up and erupted like an inactive volcano spewing her ash—a light haze of gray tainting everything. It takes some time to clear the air of volcanic ash, and it takes some time to allow the dust of fear to settle too.
“Lean in” was what my true nature whispered to me. Lean into your fear and allow it to guide you because the ego is using it to misguide you. Instead, go to those places buried but not left behind, and allow those fears to surface as the ego torments with perfect timing and vulnerability.
As you know, I have not remarried. I’ve enjoyed companionship, friendship, and I’ve loved again. This process of healing loss, however, has been a multi-layered peeling back of the onion, walking the labyrinth of growth, moving into and out of the spiral of change and transition.
I don’t know how long it takes to really let go of your twin flame in life, or if you ever need to, but it’s a journey for me—not a destination, and I’m following the divine lead. Right now, for a time, I’m divinely guided to be single and sovereign.
Here is my personal inquiry about being sovereign:
How is this time perfect for my growth?
While I am on my own, what can be revealed about me that remains hidden in relationship to “other?”
How is my courage tested on my own and strengthened?
How can my relationship to the divine flourish in my singledom?
How can I serve in greater capacity in my sovereignty?
What I know is this…
Living sovereign is not being alone. And, you can be sovereign when you’re married or partnered, too. You can be whole and complete in your pursuit of self awareness and internal happiness and self governing. This is healing from loss.
I like to think of being sovereign as being “All One:” One person in a healthy interdependent interaction with the world.
One person, fully responsible for my own happiness, living my most vibrant life.