Five Answers to the Most Common Questions About Grief and Loss

We are coming on the anniversary of Richard’s transition.  It’s been eighteen short–and eighteen long years.  Wow, how life has changed.  One thing has not changed, however.  The amount of love we as a family hold for his memory and the light and love he shared with the power of his words as his legacy lives on.  In exploring the nuances of grief and loss, from the vantage point of where I am now, here are my heartfelt answers to five of the most commonly asked questions about grief and loss.

1. Does grief heal with time?

Grief doesn’t “heal” with time in the way we might wish for it to—like a physical wound that simply closes up. Instead, grief changes over time. It evolves, and we heal because we dare to feel, to allow ourselves to experience the full range of emotions that come with loss.

For those who believe there’s a quick fix for grieving the loss of someone you hold dear, let me be clear: there’s no shortcut. The many emotions that surface during grief cannot be rushed. It’s important to understand that grief is not just sadness. It encompasses anger, confusion, guilt, and even moments of joy and peace amidst the pain.

We learn to live with grief much like we learn to live with a chronic illness. Life continues, but grief slows us down—at least for a time. The key is to pay attention to those emotional waves and allow ourselves to ride them. My daughter Jazz put it beautifully when I asked her, on the tenth anniversary of her dad’s passing, “Do you still miss your dad?” She paused and said, “Mom, I’ll miss Dad for the rest of my life. But the difference now is that I’m accustomed to living my life while missing him.” This, to me, encapsulates the journey of grief: not moving on from it, but learning to live alongside it.

2. Can you prepare for loss?

The only way I know how to prepare for loss is by building resilience through how we live each day. It’s about handling the “small stuff”—our day-to-day actions, reactions, and choices. If we focus on developing our ability to have mental clarity, and emotional wellness, and building strength in everyday life, we are essentially filling our emotional toolkit with resilience.

When the inevitable storms of life—loss, hardship, pain—arrive, we will have these tools to help us navigate them. But let me be clear: resilience does not make grief any easier to endure. It doesn’t bypass the process. What resilience does is help us survive it and eventually thrive again. Building resilience means learning how to face life’s toughest challenges with the inner strength to keep moving forward.

3. Does grief last forever?

In my experience, grief does not last forever. It does, however, last for as long as it needs to. Grieving is a deeply individual experience—some may reach a place of acceptance sooner than others, and that’s okay.

But here’s the thing I know for certain: if you honor your grief as it comes, and you don’t resist your emotions but allow yourself to feel them deeply and let them move through you, you will eventually empty the grief out. In doing so, you make room for joy again. Grief may never completely disappear, but it will change, soften, and become something you can carry with you instead of something that consumes you.

There’s one more crucial step: you must give yourself permission to live again. Not to “move on” from the one you love, but to continue forward, carrying them with you.

4. How does a funeral serve our grief?

A funeral, while often held soon after a person passes, serves several important functions. First, it helps to make the loss real—it’s a ritual that allows us to mark the transition and acknowledge the finality of death. A well-done funeral commemorates and celebrates the life of the person we’ve lost, providing a space for both grief and gratitude.

But there’s also something else at play: funerals remind us of our own mortality. When we confront the death of someone we love, we are reminded of our own fragility and the preciousness of life. This awareness of mortality can be a powerful motivator to live more fully, to prioritize what truly matters, and to appreciate each day. In this way, loss can become a gift, encouraging us to live with greater intention and inspiration.

5. How can I best help someone through loss and grief?

There are no magic words to ease the pain of someone grieving, but there are many ways you can offer support. The most important thing is to show up. Don’t ask, “What can I do?” Just do it. Whether it’s bringing over a meal, helping with household tasks, or simply offering a listening ear, your presence can make all the difference.

Remember, you can’t fix grief. You can’t take it away. What you can do is soften the burden, offering comfort without the pressure of having all the right words. Sometimes, just sitting quietly with someone or holding their hand can offer more support than any advice. Be there for them in the way they need, not in the way you think they should. Grief is a solitary journey, but it’s made more bearable with the compassion and love of those who walk beside us.

If you are going through grief and loss this holiday season–please don’t go it alone.  Allow your friends or people around you to be of comfort.  If you are going through loss righ now, this might help you or someone you care about…21 days of Grieving with Grace.

Treasure the gifts of life and love,
Kristine

P.S. It’s not too late to pick up a copy of our new book for a gift, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff Every Day!