Truth is, we are not always attracted to what’s good for us. Sometimes, our greatest rush is the excitement of what’s new and unexpected… and sometimes, a love partner brings that aspect of excitement into your relationship.
I’ve been reading a lot about brain science lately. Brain chemistry is all about the release of different chemicals, and I’ve been learning about one in particular: dopamine. It’s that feel-oh-so-good hormone that ignites your passion for life, and it happens more with the new than with the ol d. So, rather than think that you must make a big change by ending your relationship, the inquiry is: How can I boost my dopamine (passion) with the same partner and keep our loving connection alive?
Spice it up!
There’s a reason why “variety is the spice of life!”
Sometimes, relationships need a makeover. Sometimes, life needs a makeover, too.
We’ve been saying for a long time that small changes yield big rewards, and here’s what the geeks of brain science say: The art of living new stuff by changing it up encourages neuroplasticity and gives you the feeling of novelty and excitement that happens with a dopamine boost. Suddenly, your mind is primed by the dopamine to open up the portal of possibility. This new portal is like opening a funnel that allows you to view your world differently, often seeing the world or your partner with a whole new vision. Suddenly, life and your partner become more interesting and a spark of passion is ignited (along with your dopamine) and, voila, your reality changes.
If it’s more than small change you need, we always thought that, perhaps, what some couples could use is a sabbatical instead of a divorce?
Richard use to say, “Ninety days off would do wonders for people to avoid burn-out in their careers and their marriages.” In that amount of time, you’d know if stepping out of a career or marriage is really necessary. Maybe, just stepping out of the rut of your routine is all you really need?
I know you’re saying, “Yeah, in a perfect world—that would be great!” Well, consider the heartache and the wrecking ball that might be avoided by acknowledging that what you need most is time to evaluate, explore, and allow for change to happen.
If you courageously decide to consciously allow change to happen, then you can stop reacting to your boredom as if life is an emergency.
Change can come from within as much as without.
Knowing what I know now, I’d rather decide to make change happen than wait like a sitting duck.
The one thing we can always count on is that change is constant and inevitable.
That sounds so cliché, but the cliché is often a great reminder of what’s tried and true.
Resisting change can be painful. Encouraging change can be igniting. Accepting what we cannot change is freeing. Allowing change is to open to new possibility.
Change brings chaos, and like a forest reseeds itself through fire, so can we be ignited into our most vibrant lives yet by seeing change as a good thing.