Ever since my beloved husband, Richard Carlson, the famous author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, and it’s all small stuff, died suddenly and unexpectedly many years ago, at the early age of 45, I’ve never wanted anyone to feel sorry for me.

Self Pity is Not an Option

I told myself early on that there’s simply no reason to get stuck in self pity.

The timing of Richard’s death was definitely in my mind fifty years off. However, as much as I hated what happened to our lives, I knew that this was going to hold many life lessons for me. His life had such a big impact on mine, and somehow, I knew his death would too. What was very difficult for me initially to deal with was that I went from being envied for having the perfect life to suddenly being the woman everyone felt sorry for. (I really hated that!)

But I knew, even then, that this loss carried deep power in it and was somehow intended for my soul growth. I had to surrender and trust. There was no other way to survive.

I would refuse to sit in self pity.

As I grieved, I traversed new territory within. Moving from Victim to Victor wasn’t easy.

There was at times a voice that would weep. It would cry out, “I didn’t sign up for this!” and sob with the words “Why? Why? Why?” But I would not allow myself the indulgence of that conversation of self pity for very long. I absolutely would not tarry there. I would not allow this darkness to swallow me.

I awakened quickly and was determined that this loss was worth something truly BIG for me. What I didn’t know was that it had shattered the protective wall that had unknowingly formed around my heart. This wall had been keeping me from feeling my passion, finding deeper connection, and experiencing real joy. The kind of heart bursting joy that makes you cry because it hurts so good. The kind of joy I experience now.

What does it mean when someone says they feel sorry for you?

In the beginning of grief, the people around you mean well and want to say something to ease your pain and to help you and them make sense of death. While words of condolence come from compassion, often they don’t always hit the mark just right.

An Example of What People Say A Lot In Loss

When someone said to me in those early months of grief, “I’m sorry for your loss” (which is the most common thing people say), I wanted to reply, “You mean, you are sorry for my annihilation?”

Now, I say what I felt then, “Don’t feel sorry for me.” Not one little bit.

Life happens to all of us. The good stuff happens. And the stuff that brings out our true grit to survive happens too. The circumstances of life don’t make or break you. They show you who you are. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

I Released All Self Pity and Became Awake and Free

I’m awake now. I’m free of all the many limiting ideas and beliefs I had about who I was and how I “should” live all those years ago.

I wasn’t wrong for how I was doing life, and I didn’t fail. What I realize now is that I have just grown up and past those old limiting beliefs. Life has taught me differently. I didn’t know what I know now.

Aren’t we all growing up that way? Your wiser self has a thing or two to say from experience. Please, please, please… Don’t be sorry that my loss has transformed me into an empowered sovereign woman full of more joy than I thought possible, as I’m living awake to the simple pleasures of life.

The ordinary has truly become quite extra-ordinary!

Please Don’t Be Sorry For Me

This is soul growth. There can be hard lessons won with well-earned wisdom.

Suffering leads us into deeper corridors of ourselves than we could have imagined before.

Don’t be sorry that…

• my soul has connected to humanity through my loss. And my understanding of suffering has brought true compassion to my heart.
• I am the woman I am today – not because of all of the success I’ve had. I am the woman I am today for having lost something so great it split my heart shattering it wide open.
• I put into practice every emotional tool I had in my tool box to good use while in grief. And I learned through our lives together writing and teaching others how to be happy in ways that served me so well going through loss.

You Too Can Have These Emotional Healing Tools To Recover From Loss

In fact, If you really want to know how to access your mental health and well being when in grief or any other time, I’ve created video courses to teach you how to be happy no matter what.

I’m grateful that as I made the turn from grief and entered into my new life with gratitude. I now live with my heart wide open. I step into every day with an expanded and healed heart and say without any sense of self pity, “I have accepted my loss and it was the greatest challenge that uncovered the hidden aspects of my true nature and have revealed to me who I really am.”

I am Heartbroken open to living bigger– and loving greatly.

I definitely don’t sweat the small stuff.

I am living the big stuff!

Yes, there’s no reason to pity me. Sure, it’s true that I have lost something great, my beloved, that left me in a chasm and sent me into the dark night of my soul. I explored the abyss for a time–where I healed my broken heart. I eventually awakened to greater joy.

If you are going through a time of loss and grief right now, what I want you to understand is that it would not be a loss if we hadn’t loved so well.

Indeed, as they say, it’s worth it to have loved and lost than not to have loved in this way at all. Our lives are greatly impacted by this person we will always miss but will carry with us in our hearts forever.

There’s absolutely no reason to pity me

THANK YOU for your compassion, love, and prayers– but please, don’t feel sorry for me. I am living my most vibrant life, and you will too.