My New Year’s Message: Being Sovereign

My New Year's Message: Being Sovereign blog
Living The Big Stuff

My New Year’s Message: Being Sovereign


As you look back on the past year, consider:

Has it been a year living, loving, and letting go?

Like a snake that sheds a skin, a new year means releasing the old with a heart bent toward the new.

January of 2016 welcomes in a feeling of emerging from a long cycle of chaos and a series of completions, awakening to my most vibrant life.

As you know, Richard’s transition in 2006 changed the trajectory of our lives—my girls’ and mine. We experienced the trauma that comes with sudden loss. (There’s a new science called Post Traumatic Growth, and boy-oh-boy, that certainly describes my awakened life thus far.)

There’s been tremendous growth for my family as well and lots of life happening these past years, as well as in 2015.

Many blessings peppered with obstacles and challenges, but all of it sending us down the path of immense growth.

A few things that happened:

Richard’s Mom joined him with a full set of angel wings last year.

There have been graduations: Jazz from Simpson in Leadership Development and Kenna from UC Davis in Psychology and Human Development.

There have been dragons to slay, as well. Fears to lean into.

There have been continued challenges, lessons of discernment, and completions all coming from a seven-year period of time when I was in tremendous grief, growth, and healing. There’s a short list below not to emphasize being any kind of victim but rather to illustrate that life is a big experience for all of us–including me. And, the way to be victorious “living the big stuff” is to meet each challenge, take responsibility for my part in each situation and grow stronger and wiser.

I’m so grateful that all of these have reached some sense of completion this past year, so that I can let go and live more joy.

  • A stalker was prosecuted in the Crown Court of England and sentenced to 4.5 years for targeting me and the girls with a relentless campaign of cyber stalking and harassment.
  • A five-year lawsuit was finally settled, out of court. The story is that Bear, my golden retriever, jumped on a woman to greet her and knocked her down injuring her shoulder. (Moral of the story: Dogs belong on a leash—even the friendliest ones because lawsuits and injuries are no fun.)
  • A $100K betrayal happened from a trusted Life Coach who was fraudulent in his representation of “an investment opportunity” into his non-existent publishing company. While I’m complete in my lessons of trust and discernment and my lack of doing due diligence on this one, I’m still considering how justice is best served here.

And yet, amidst the settling of the chaos, there’s been a tremendous amount of love, support, friendship, and healing through all of it!

Life has been full in and full out.

My greatest personal insight of 2015:

You can transform any situation with love and forgiveness and proceed with a joy-filled life with high productivity and creativity, as long as you stay in tune to love and keep it all in perspective.

If you haven’t seen the film documentary Finding Jo by Patrick Takaya Solomon on Joseph Campbell’s work, I highly recommend it.

Clearly, I could see myself depicted in Joseph Campbell’s archetypal cycle of the mythical heroine’s journey where it begins with an initiation—or in my case, many initiations—sending the hero on a new trajectory of life in which she or he must fully embrace this new life with passion and a sense of adventure. There are obstacles to overcome along the way, but there is always a return with the Holy Grail (the big gift) of the story. This gift is to be shared with others, offering it back through story to complete the cycle of the heroine’s journey with hope, encouragement, and well-earned lessons for others to follow the well-worn path of the heroine.

There are things in my youth I naturally deferred to Richard over the course of 25 years together. When I met him, I didn’t even have a bank account and certainly didn’t know how to balance a checkbook. (Not sure I’ve ever been too good at that.) We had a very traditional marriage; I held the space of the feminine gatherer and he the male hunter and provider. While we danced together, harmoniously and in partnership, there was a lot to learn when I was left manning the helm of a very large ship where he had been a great captain.

The past nine years have been a journey on the path of love, but not without its twists, turns, and obstacles “fear” and “shadow.” Leaning into my fear of being alone, I’ve had to rise and stand as the feminine warrior I am and also be the matriarch of my family. This time has represented tremendous soul growth, and after facing and leaning into my fears of being alone, I have embraced the journey and have arrived with the gift of sovereignty.

My meaning of what it means to be sovereign is not to be “alone” but rather “all one.”

As a sovereign being, I am independent. I am 100% responsible for my own happiness. I am fierce in the most loving way. I carry on with a passion in my heart to serve others through my story of courage, love, hope, and adventure. I have met my initiations with grace and chosen the heroine’s journey. (Thank goodness that’s the way it unfolded.)

It has been said about loss that “Life goes on for the living.” I say, “Life goes on for the living who are awake.”

As I’ve leaned into my fears and accepted the adventure of my life, I’ve integrated my more masculine energy into the feminine, as well as leaned into my fear of being alone.

I am whole now, awake and sovereign. I’m living the expression of my most vibrant life now.

Wishing you the most vibrant and sovereign New Year!

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