There Is Always a Message in the Mess

As I’m washing the dinner dishes (major mess in the sink!), I’m contemplating the message in my recent health scare.

Humming along, I finally went in for my mammogram. (I wish I could say “yearly mammo,” but no, it had been three years.)

My “bosom buddy” (that’s a chapter in Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Women) is my good friend and assistant, Carole. We had let our appointment slide. Life gets busy, and quite frankly, I was more concerned about getting a baseline colonoscopy than a mammogram last year.

At any rate, I finally went, and I’m fine… but it wasn’t without a waiting period of ten days and a biopsy on my left breast.

In those ten days, I found myself praying more, feeling more in tune to my health practices and habits, and thinking about all the things I love about my life that might change with cancer.

I had one weepy day where I acknowledged my fear. I posted on facebook and asked for prayers. I called on my friends and family for support.

I laughed out loud as I caught myself bargaining with God. I decided that I wouldn’t do that because in the end those promises would hold no more weight than forgotten New Year’s resolutions. (I reminded myself that God knows me better than I do.) Then, I put it all aside and instead of bargaining about the outcome, I decided to pray for the courage I would need to accept the outcome–whatever it might mean–and for the insight I could gain in these days of waiting.

In periods of waiting for news about our health, we can awaken to our life and rediscover joy and passion.

Here’s what I did to calm myself and get the most mileage out of the mess.

I paid close attention to my thoughts and where my thinking would take me.

In essence, I looked for the message in the mess—knowing that either way, I was going to survive and choose to thrive—no matter what I might learn about my health. Herein lies the beauty of the mess and how you can step into it to find the message that will empower you to live better.

1. You can choose the perspective you’ll have by seeing yourself as strong and capable. You see yourself as a survivor—a warrior ready to do battle if necessary.
2. You can decide not to let any kind of news you receive beat you down but rather inspire change in your life.
3. You can open to the journey and decide to accept “what is,” knowing that your soul has called this in as part of the “soul curriculum” to show you something that your soul is calling for.
4. You can flex your faith muscles with the belief that gifts come in untidy packages, and the belief that all will be well–eventually.
5. You can experience the power of community, prayer, and love by asking for support.

Clarity happens when we are willing and open to the message in the mess. I was all the way open, peeled back a layer of the onion, and found something profound in this incubation period.

I knew that my life could change with a phone call. (I’ve had that experience.)

I realized that even though my grief has softened over the years, there was another layer that recently came to the surface in a women’s workshop where I was a participant. We did some holotropic breathwork—powerful stuff. During the breathwork, Richard was present in a pulsing light, and we danced together. It was so incredibly beautiful that I didn’t want to breathe. Now, I know that I didn’t want to die, but what was present for me was a deep longing to merge into spirit world with him.

Then, two days after this experience, I began this journey of looking at the calcification of my left breast tissue around my heart that showed up in the mammography. The timing of divine intervention never ceases to amaze me! (There’s a message in that mess, too!)

After the biopsy, I knew that when my doctor called the next day there would only be two things she would say: I have “good” news or I have “bad” news. I would be healthy or I would have cancer.

The message in the mess came as an incredible gift: I get to choose to Live awake and opt in fully and let go of that longing to be where Richard is. That day will come soon enough. For now, I remain here on earth.

I am an instrument of divine light and love, used by the divine, to inspire you to rediscover your joy and passion and awaken to your most vibrant life now.

My Doctor called at 10:20am instead of 3pm, and I’m happy to say that I received the good news I was hoping for, and I am healthy. Believe me, when I say, I’m celebrating with a happy dance!

I am so grateful for this time that caused me to pause and get really clear about why I’m here and how important my health is to continue to live my most vibrant life now.

I hope this serves as a reminder to all women over 40 that early detection is preventative… so, please schedule yours today!