Woman to Woman: The Gift of Being Sovereign for a Time

In the greater scheme of things, while it is difficult to imagine in the midst of the heartbreak of loss, there is an incredible gift coming that can be missed in the presence of fear. The gift, as widowed women, is to stand complete in our sovereignty and on our own two feet realizing our human potential as we embrace both our masculine and feminine nature. What do I mean by that?

Sovereignty comes in the form of the Archetype of Artemis and also of the “queen.” Queen Elizabeth I became the example of a woman truly empowered with sovereignty as she remained unmarried and has lived her life as an independent and resourceful leader. Each of us is queen of our own domain and especially of our independence, and there is an opportunity to relish this time. Oprah, the “queen of media,” has shown her own approach to feminine sovereignty and the power of that by using her voice in the world.

Traditionally, women have stood behind their men, but we are seeing men stand in support of very powerful women in this new era. In many cases nowadays, women are becoming the bread winners by taking on more leadership roles in corporations and government, showing the value of the feminine leader. An idea that was presented to me as a young girl growing up was that I would need to find a man to take care of me in order to be whole and complete. I have resisted this idea my whole life. While as a species we are geared for relationship, coming off a long-term love relationship as widows, there is a different possibility of fulfillment—if only, for a time.

Take this time to allow your true nature to come forward when your ego is fragile. When we lose our husbands a piece of us dies with him and that piece is the one we identified so closely with partnership. As the ego dies, the true self emerges in all its authenticity. For a time, you can really feel your true nature emerge. This is the gift. Sit with yourself and ask yourself: Without relationship, what would I do and how would I be? Relish in your full expression.

Like many of you, I went from my father’s house and into the arms of my husband, protected and embraced. I never knew what it was like to live on my own. In the first few months following Richard’s death I felt fearful and alone. I was unsure of myself, and I knew I was like a newborn on many levels having to make decisions and integrating a more masculine approach to living to make up for my missing husband, not only in my life, but my daughters’ lives as well. Our finances, the Don’t Sweat series, (taking out the trash) all these things that were on Richard’s “to do” list now fell on mine. As I moved from being overwhelmed and into each task, my fears dissolved into empowerment as I began to realize myself in a whole new way. I am completely capable of managing and wearing many different hats and roles.

In time, I began to see this time as an incredible gift of love. Sovereignty does not mean celibacy or loneliness. It means embracing the gift of standing on your own two feet with courage and grace and the inner beauty that radiates from your own authentic presence and true independence. Integrate your feminine nature with your masculine and be whole and complete in the marriage of both within you. As a sovereign being, this allows you the fulfillment of realizing that no other can give unto you anything that you cannot first give to yourself. As widowed women who have loved and lost, this is an opportunity to love yourself in a completely new way as you are sovereign over your life. This may be a brief period so be in it in joy owning a true sense of who you are as an empowered woman.

Namaste (The divine in me honors the divine in you.)

Kristine Carlson

p.s. In my next column, expect the big sister vocabulary on dating.